maanantai 24. helmikuuta 2014


Taking a little break from this blog. I'm becoming too annoyed with the person I'm becoming.

Lately I've said so much. Now I have to shut up. I have to find answers, instead of answering questions that nobody asked. I need some wisdom. Otherwise I'll be nervous and dumb.

Arrogance is a defense mechanism; those who truly trust themselves are humble and modest.

Fucking this shit

Apparently, comically upfront arrogance and cockiness have become my thing. Okay. I guess I stole it from Salvador Dali. He's dead, so I don't think he minds people stealing things from his corpse.

The stars are calling. Going slightly mad.

When you're smart

I read this thread where people (rational skeptics) discuss the sentience of fish, and what the hell. Wow. These people are as intelligent as I am. It feels strange to look at posts written by people that are 1) intellectually honest, 2) absolutely rational yet non-psychopathic, 3) open-mindedly and sincerely looking for answers. This is extremely rare. People like us must make up like 1-2% of the population. Usually when I see people trying to discuss something like this, they're only capable of vomiting out irrational myths, ridiculous psychological defence mechanisms and boring sentimentality.

I give this thread +++++ out of +++++.

If all people were like this, my life would be so much easier and the world would be a much better place. Life would be fun. (Maybe life is fun for so many other people because they are surrounded by their intellectual equals? They live in a world where they feel at home?) I wouldn't have to DUMB DOWN whenever I try to communicate with the rest of the species. I wouldn't have to dumb down when I write about things that matter.

Fuck, could it be possible to come up with technology to increase the general public's intelligence? To somehow improve our brain? Could it be possible to create a world and a society where all people were as smart as the smartest 1-2% of people now are?

Please. Somebody make that happen. I'm tired of looking at the rest of humanity saying idotic things and behaving in completely irrational ways. I want to belong. I want to smile. I want to breathe and feel at peace. I want to be able to communicate.

A world where everybody was as intelligent as I am would of course be quite different from the world we're now living in. There probably wouldn't be any advertisements, for example, because people simply wouldn't obey them. The development of science and art would look amazing.

I'd like to get out of the current dystopia and enter this utopia. Sadly, so far it only exists in my head. I have to enter my head, entirely. Goodbye.

The thing that makes us capable of hurting others: denial

It's keeping us fishing and buying clothes made by child slaves.

My portion of denial seems to be significantly smaller than that of 99% of humans. Did I work hard to get here? I'm not sure. Maybe it simply came with the brain.

By the way, one thing that people almost never understand about evolution: individuals are not working for the survival of their species, they are working for the survival of themselves; their genes. Animals don't give a fuck about their species.

I'm looking at pictures my sister took last May.

Oh spring. I'm glad you're coming.

I mean look at that light. That's what spring looks like. Light, behaving in a certain way.

I have no idea where that street is.

Money can't buy life.

lauantai 22. helmikuuta 2014

Wild lesbian sex.

I don't want to seem sincere, I want to be sincere. I don't want to use sincerity as some sort of artistic device, I want sincerity be sincerity, truth to be truth, hearts to be hearts. And I've still got such a long way to go.

I saw a French film called The Life of Adèle (or "Blue Is the Warmest Colour" or something; it seems to have many names). The movie was about young lesbians and it was 3 hours long. So I spent 3 hours missing Fucking Åmål. Agnes and Elin had rebellion. Agnes and Elin had warmth. I believed in them. Adèle and her girlfriend were just eh. And they kept eating animals all the time, which was slightly Satanic and not a very rebellious thing to do.

It's all about the rebellion for me.

And Satan.

This month, I've already written 30 posts on this blog. This is getting ridiculous, so maybe I'll shut up for a while now.

torstai 20. helmikuuta 2014

Gaa-gaa oh-lalaa

The most tiring thing about Lady Gaga is how her message is supposed to be "Be yourself! <3" She's raping the idea.

Does she know what it means to be yourself? Does she even have a self? Underneath the fabulous, omg-so-weird clothes she seems to have no personality at all. She's completely fake, because what else could she be? She's empty. Empty people can be turned into good products.

I don't know. Am I wrong? I'd like to be wrong.

keskiviikko 19. helmikuuta 2014

About to go for a nighttime bus ride.

Jeremy Witt is some sort of counter-Gatsby. He was born with everything, and he spends the rest of his life trying to get rid of it. In the end, he's doomed to fail and the things he really wants cannot be found.

You'll see. You will see. The story may be too much and ridiculous, but what else would you expect from a 16-year-old genius?

When this blog has millions of international readers, I'm going to force them to listen to several Finnish songs that everybody should hear. Like this one:

Do I have some swift form of bipolar disorder? Yesterday I was so unhappy, and NOW I'M SO HAPPY THAT MY HEAD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

This night is holy. My heart is holy. Oh, holy Rebekka

tiistai 18. helmikuuta 2014

The plan

For me, sunrise is something that happens before you go to bed.

I will write four novels:
Post mortem.
Folie à deux.

And then one amazing autobiography.

And then, when I'm about 30, I will retire and breathe out and sit back and wait for the revolutions and movie adaptations.

"If you let it kill you, it will."

Ernest Hemingway is one of the characters in my book, and when I write his lines, I feel like I'm being a better Hemingway than he ever was.

sunnuntai 16. helmikuuta 2014

How could you not join this revolution? It's so much better than the life you had before.

Every day is like The Sundays

My head is a windy place where all these beautiful and strange and brilliant ideas appear and disappear, all the time, every second of the day, and I just try to catch the prettiest of them.

This blog seems to be a storage for the ugliest, most fragile of my ideas. That's not necessarily healthy. I should slow down.

I actually look like this.

I started watching a movie called The Outsiders (1983) and realized that I look like the main characters. That's how I've been dressing lately. I am a greaser. It's so ridiculous that I don't really know what to think about it. It's not like I chose this. I have to start thinking about these things.

Oh man. I wish God was alive to see this.

lauantai 15. helmikuuta 2014

I should take up sleeping again.
Jesus fucking Christ. I'm going to abandon all this to become an escape artist.

Engaging in conversation with an idiot. Is it worth it?

A painful conversation between Prof. Gary Francione and an apparent idiot named Matt Wheatley:

(And then an extra comment from a mysterious man named Juho James Suomalainen. I wonder who this sexy character is?)

Why do idiots speak? Why don't they shut up and/or disappear?

Wouldn't it be great if all the intellectually dishonest simpletons suddenly let go of all their excuses and started to use their brain powers for good?
I was so tragically handsome today. Somebody should've been there to take promo pictures of me.

Dogmatic assholes

"Grimes and DIIV in vegan beef

US band say singer-songwriter is "not vegan" after she admits to eating ice cream
Grimes and DIIV in vegan beef

US band DIIV have criticised vegan artist Grimes for her take on the rules of the dietary choice.

The row began on Grimes' Tumblr page when, earlier this week, she shared her love of the new Ben & Jerry’s flavour Scotchy Scotch Scotch and said. "1 day hiatus from veganism is being had starting now." Scotchy Scotch Scotch is a new butterscoth flavoured ice cream released to promote the new Anchorman film, released next month.

After posting the comment about Ben & Jerry's, Grimes (real name Claire Boucher) was attacked in the comments section by fellow vegans who took exception to her eating the ice cream, which made with cows milk. Responding to the critics, Boucher wrote back: "I like to encourage people towards a type of veganism that is inviting and accepting. For the longest time I was vegan but I just wouldn't say I was because of the bad reputation of veganism. Most of the vegans i know are dogmatic assholes, and it completely turns people off."

She went on to defend the company behind the ice cream for their ethics, "Ben and Jerrys is the only brand of ice cream i ever eat. their cows are treated ethically and beyond that they put a ton of money into researching green hydrocarbon freezers that would use alternative refrigerants which (unlike current freezer gases) do not contribute to global warming."

The row appeared to have died down until, earlier today (November 22) a tweet from the DIIV's Twitter account brought the issue back up again. The tweet, which can be seen below, was not accredited to an individual member of the band.


Wisest thing I've heard in a while: "I like to encourage people towards a type of veganism that is inviting and accepting. For the longest time I was vegan but I just wouldn't say I was because of the bad reputation of veganism. Most of the vegans i know are dogmatic assholes, and it completely turns people off."

Exactly. The biggest problem with vegans is that they are people. People have a tendency to form groups and behave irrationally. It's a fact that many - not all, but many - vegans and animal rights activists severely lack understanding of how the human psyche works.

If we want to help the animals, we have to let go of the purism. We are right, but telling everybody how right we are won't change anything. The most important question is always: will this strategy actually lead to progress?

When you're being a dogmatic asshole, you're simply making things worse. Stop and think again.

DIIV's music seems sort of cool, though.

Human irrationality, human irrationality, human irrationality.

So apparently people everywhere are outraged that a giraffe in a Danish zoo was killed and fed to lions. I understand this. What I don't understand is: if you're not okay with this, why are you okay with the meat industry?

keskiviikko 12. helmikuuta 2014

Folie à deux:


It works

I'm in love with this girl!

It FINALLY works. It FINALLY works.


When you have a freedom to misbehave, it soon becomes a social obligation. Then, if you treat others with respect, people will think that there's something fundamentally weird about you. Going on will take exceptional guts.

Let me explain high school and the Internet.

I just did.

Whatever it may cost

I'll make you see.

tiistai 11. helmikuuta 2014

I'll be your Neal Cassady

I was watching a documentary about the Beat Generation when I realized that my heart was beating very fast.

Like it wanted to tell me something.

Most people never burn. Maybe once every ten years. Most people never try and really burn, burn, burn. Not once in their lives. It's difficult to find people as interesting as me in this world. (This is a fact.) But what about the worlds that came before this one? What about the 40's, 50's, 60's? I think Interesting was a thing just as rare back then as it is now.

Jack Kerouac and the gang were interesting souls. Genuinely interesting souls. That's a very good way to exist. Now that you're alive, you shouldn't ignore the fire inside you, because it's there; you shouldn't stop dancing only because The Normal People (at least 95 % of the population) will look at you like you're crazy.

I don't know if I'd get along with the Beats. They were artists, I'm not sure if I am. Their beat was jazz, mine is indie. Punk. Morrissey. Something like that.

Once again I understand that if somebody's gonna make it, it's gonna be gonna be me.

Anyway, thank you for burning.

On fish II

In a music video by Foster the People, we see a fish that's been taken out of water and put on a table to suffocate. I'm sure the reasons for this are artistic, fun and entertaining.

Next, we see singer Mark Foster (or somebody else; I don't know) with his head in the fish bowl.

Suffocation is hell. So is life in a fish bowl, by the way.

In another video by the band, the same guy is practically slapping a fish that's trying to swim in one of those... ok, I have no idea what the hell those are, ornamental fish ponds that you sometimes see in shopping centres? (Fuck, I've always hated those. The animals are completely vulnerable to any random idiot that might pass by.)

I think that the face in the last picture tells it all. When we hurt fish, we have no idea that we're hurting them. They aren't cute. They don't communicate through emotional expressions the way mammals do. That's why even the nicest person with a thoroughly good heart can watch a fish suffocate without really feeling anything. The animal isn't crying or screaming, so the empathetic parts of our brain don't react. When it comes to fish, the lights in our heads are out. (When I sit on the bus and stare at the people on the streets, it's a bit petrifying to realize how many of them actually have that blank, insensible, dead look on their faces. The fish look. Yet I believe there's something happening behind the faces.)

If the first video included images of a puppy drowning in the water, everybody would be outraged. The video would get millions of dislikes. Puppies are saved by their cuteness.

It's all understandable. I'm sure Foster the People are completely decent human beings. There's nothing wrong with them. The problem is in the culture. These things should be learned. Hopefully some day they will be.

The ugliness of fish is a fateful fact. Even many the world's most famous vegans / animal-activists from P!nk to Jared Leto eat fish. At least occasionally. I kept doing that too for a long time after I'd already stopped eating factory-farmed meat. The idea of a fish in pain just simply didn't move me enough to make me change my ways. It took several articles in science magazines and a lot of information on industrial fishing to finally force me to let go of my excuses.

We're all vertebrates, but fish are fish and I'm a mammal, so they will always remain some sort of mystery to me. That's alright. That's how it should be. All I can do is to trust science, the heart and common sense, and try to keep on seeing myself in creatures that look so very different from me.

lauantai 8. helmikuuta 2014


I cried twice yesterday. Or at least almost cried. Almost crying is one of my hobbies.

My dad came to me looking strangely happy and asked me if I'd seen the anti-Putin Google Doodle. "Yes," I said and for some reason, almost cried.

Modern Russia truly sucks.

perjantai 7. helmikuuta 2014

And I open the door. And I let sorrow in.

Enough war and profundity for this morning.

Good night.

The crime of not being cute enough

“Fish constitute the greatest source of confused thinking and inconsistency on earth at the moment with respect to pain. You will get people very excited about dolphins because they are mammals, and about horses and dogs, if they are not treated properly. At the same time you will have fishing competitions on the River Murray at which thousands of people snare fish with hooks and allow them to asphyxiate on the banks, which is a fairly uncomfortable and miserable death.”
—Professor Bill Runciman, 
Professor of Anaesthesia and Intensive Care
Adelaide University

“The scientific literature is quite clear. Anatomically, physiologically and biologically, the pain system in fish is virtually the same as in birds and mammals.”
Dr. Donald Broom, a scientific advisor to the British government.


"Do fish know they are in pain? 

In an attempt to show that fish do feel mental discomfort when it comes to pain, an experiment was devised:

  • Zebrafish were placed in a maze that opened in to a choice of two chambers – one the equivalent of a cheap motel room, the other the fish equivalent of the Ritz
  • On all occasions the fish chose the better chamber
  • In a second run, some fish were exposed to mild pain
  • The choice was the same as before, however the low-quality chamber was now enriched with pain killers
  • Fish in pain were much more likely to now choose the low-quality chamber over the high-quality chamber
This showed that fish were willing to endure unfavourable conditions in order to ease the sensation of pain with painkillers. It was concluded that fish must therefore feel the mental discomfort associated with pain."


To me, it's always been ridiculous and pretty revolting how so many people seem to lack the basic understanding that fish feel. Of course they do. It wouldn't make much sense if they didn't. Like us, they are vertebrates. Highly developed animals. Ugly and small, but still vertebrates.

A growing number of people are starting to take the welfare of fish seriously. Unfortunately, the old myths are still very much alive, as you can see here. A LiveScience article ponders on fish's sentiency, and, well, see how 'Stephen Glover Rowe' and 'Jesse Tronier III' react:

The irrationality of humanity. I applaud Ryan for trying. But in the world of illeterate Jesse Tronier III's and Stephen Glover Rowes, trying doesn't automatically lead to results.

The main problem seems to be that fish are not cute. Jesse Tronier doesn't go 'aww' when looking at one. Not only are fish underwater, but they are also small and ugly.

Not all fish though. Not even Gordon Ramsay would question a shark's sentiency, yet a shark is just as much of a fish as a little goldfish. Sharks simply look prettier and more impressive.

Fish are different from us, but I'm also pretty different from Barack Obama. Still, on the most fundamental level we're all very similar.

Maybe the whole question of whether fish feel mammal-style pain is irrelevant? They clearly have sentience and cognition. It doesn't have to be identical to ours. Fish are also pretty intelligent, but their intelligence is different from our intelligence. It should still matter.

It is biologically logical to assume Barack Obama feels pain.

Pain is one of the most primary abilities in animals. Without it, you're in trouble. Saying that a fish cannot feel pain simply because "it doesn't have a neocortex" is like saying it cannot breathe because it doesn't have lungs. We need more wisdom.

Recent studies show that fish are surprisingly complex, intelligent animals with excellent memory; different individuals even have different personalities. Well, I don't need recent studies to know this. As a kid I spent hours and hours and hours studying the behaviour of fish, sitting on the lakeside throwing breadcrumbs in the water. I got to know different individuals. Some of them learned to trust that I wasn't anything that was going to hurt them. Some even found the courage to come and nibble my fingers. Others remained afraid of me.

The next day, when I'd come back, they would remember me. Remember how our game worked.

The whole question of these animals' sentience is absurd to anybody who's actually spent time with living fish, instead of just the normal piece of dead flesh on a plate.

Fish are fascinating, mysterious animals. It is heartbreaking what we do to them. ('We' and 'we'. I don't hurt them anymore. I wish nobody did.) We torture hundreds of billions of them every year, laughing like nothing happened, simply because we are too lazy to empathise with something so ugly, something so underwater.

That's it. The reason why we struggle to see fish as sentient vertebrates is quite simply that they're so fucking ugly. They're so different from us mammals. They don't scream when we hurt them. They don't look at us with puppy eyes. It's as stupid and sentimental as that. It applies to humans just as well: the cuter you are, the more important they consider you.

Shit. Sometimes I hate us.

Fear is fun.

In theory, it is possible to hunt 'ethically', without inflicting major suffering on the animal. But is there a way to fish ethically? Perhaps. But that's not something too many of us are doing. Industrial fishing and fish farming especially is unimaginable torture show. There are very few things that I find as disturbing as the thought of a human being treating a fish like crap, laughing joyously, completely unaware of what they're doing. "It's just a fucking fish, eh?"

In terms of inflicted suffering, the fishing industry is undoubtedly one of the darkest crimes on the planet. Many people would disagree with the way the commercial fishing industry treats the animals, but we the Private People aren't innocent either. We fish the animals with hooks for fun and then throw them back in the water. Then we do it again, and again, and again. We put them in nightmarish little bowls where they can only swim in an endless circle. When we get bored of them, we flush them down the toilet, sometimes while they're still alive.

So, what does science say? After all, the whole question about the sentience of fish is deeply childish: we're asking it just so that somebody would shout "NO, OF COURSE NOT" and save us from feeling guilty when we drag the creatures out of their water or factory farm them in hellish conditions.

The question about the sentience of fish is a complex one. Mostly because it's very difficult for us human primates to fully understand creatures that are so different from us. To us, fish are like aliens. Should we respect aliens? Should we be nice to them?

The group of scientists that are still clinging to the idea that ‘fish just possibly couldn’t feel pain’ are basing their beliefs on the fact that ‘the brain of fish is just so different from that of humans’. This is the only (I repeat: only!) argument of people like James D. Rose, a fisherman who's protecting his conscience at the expense of billions of sentient individuals. He's virtually stomping on scientific research and destroying the whole ethical conversation by shouting "their brain is different, their brain is different!" every time somebody makes scientific progress.

The brain of fish is different from that of humans. So what? Of course it’s different. That doesn't mean anything yet. The brains of fish have things that our brains don’t have, and our brains have things that their brains don’t have. We’re different animals. This doesn’t change the fact that we are all highly developed vertebrates.

What about the future? Once again, I believe in in vitro technology. In the future, people will still eat 'fish', but it will have nothing to do with actual animals. When people stop eating animals and the fishing industry practically disappears (and the general relationship with the rest of the animal kingdom changes fundamentally), the idea of doing this stuff for fun may begin to be considered unnecessary and barbaric and 'gross'. Fish bowls will become illegal. People will no longer have the psychological need to make themselves believe that fish are just swimming plants. The bad guys will eventually lose the battle, like they always do.

This is how human societies function. Trust me. I know. I've watched them for hundreds of years.


Luckily, science already has its rising heroes:

"15-year-old schoolboy from Australia claimed to have conclusively disproved the myth that a fish's memory span was only three seconds.

Rory Stokes, a student at the Australian Science and Mathematics School in Adelaide, placed a beacon in a fish tank at feeding time each day and measured the time it took for fish to swim to it to obtain food.

The time taken reduced dramatically over a three week period, from a minute to a few seconds, after which Rory removed the beacon.

Six days later, he put it back in the water and, despite not seeing it for almost a week, the fish swam to it in 4.4 seconds, showing they had remembered the association between food and the beacon for at least six days.

'We are told that a goldfish has a memory span of less than three seconds… I wanted to challenge this theory as I believe it is a myth intended to make us feel less guilty about keeping fish in small tanks,' Rory said."

In your face, J. D. Rose.

Thank you

The two men who've had the biggest impact on the development of my mind:

Ola Salo. It takes a fool to remain sane. He taught me this when I was 13.

Morrissey. It is cool to be alone and this way. He taught me this when I was 16.

I want to be that for somebody.

Wanna know the funny thing about falling?

For a moment it feels like flying.

I hate revealing my secrets to people. But sometimes it's necessary.

Many things depress me, but depression never makes me cry. Only happiness does. Only when I see sincere goodness in another human being. Only then. Happiness is the only type of pain with the power to make me cry.
Don't mourn the morning. Another one will come.

Wanna know the funny thing about darkness?

It is always, always something's shadow.

I came to this conclusion at the age of 16, and ended up writing a novel named Flesh. If you don't want to read it, you can simply ponder on this question.


I was hopeless and bored so I entered a movie theatre. I ended up seeing a Spanish movie named Insensibles, and Lord it was stupid. I started rolling my eyes during the first fucking scene. The scene contained 'scary' little girls in a 'scary' forest. They were oh so cute, but oh so intimidatingly blank-faced when they burned their hands with fire! How spooky!

If a movie starts with Spooky Little Girls, I know that it's gonna be shit. Spooky Little Girl is probably the most annoying cliché there is. And just generally children: it seems that most films with child actors are pretentious and unintelligent. Why is this?

The movie clearly wanted to say something, but it was just so utterly stupid that I ended up spending the whole time simply rolling my eyes. In one scene, one of the Spooky Kids takes a puppy and tears its stomach open to remove a diseased organ. And, eh, the puppy completely ignores this operation. He doesn't even seem to notice that his stomach has just been ripped open. Um. Um. Okay. Later, virtually the same thing is done to a man, and the man screams and screams. Who wrote this? It's 2013. [Edit: Wow! No it isn't! It's actually 2014?! Lord!] Are there still people unaware of the fact that all vertebrates, let alone mammals, are pretty much equally sentient?

Later, a spooky 7-year-old apparently hugs a grown man to death. Um. Um. Um. Okay.

At the end it got a little more bearable. But not much.

I should stop wasting my time like this.

I've never seen a scary (or good) horror movie. They are always idiotic, for some reason. They are the most childish genre in movies. They lack all meaning, all message, all humanity, all intellect. Question: why are people so retarded?

tiistai 4. helmikuuta 2014

Philip Seymour Hoffman is dead, and it's my fault.


What separates you from the rest of them is the thing that interests me.

Your loneliness.

What if

Wow. Wouldn't it be great if the Internet was a place where things like this happened all the time, instead of once in every 3 years? Instead of all the ignorance and bitterness and hate and pain, what if it was like this?

sunnuntai 2. helmikuuta 2014


I am younger than Justin Bieber. I am younger than all the members of One Direction.

I keep wondering why people are so afraid of dying alone. What's wrong with that, lover-wise? I'm gonna have lovers, but they won't need to stay if they don't want to. I'm looking for revolutions, not marriages.

My heart explodes. I have nothing to say so

when the world, it shows me up
my clothes, they show me up
I never knew this before
the finest hour that I've ever known
was finding a pound on the Underground
when my words came stumbling out
then I went tumbling out
I've never been hit before
the finest hour that I've ever known
was finding a pound on the Underground

and I keep hoping you are the same as me
and I'll send you letters and come to your house for tea
we are who we are, what do the others know
but poetry is not for me, so show me the way to go (home)

when the words came stumbling out of my mouth
and I went tumbling out (here, no no, no no)

but I keep hoping you are the same as me
and I'll send you letters and come to your house for tea
we are who we are, what do the others know
but poetry is not for me, so show me the way to go
oh, I'm going home

but I'll keep hoping you are the only one
yes, and I'll send you letters, oh, wouldn't it be such fun
oh, we are who we are, whatever the others say
but poetry is not for me, as much as I'd like to stay
oh, I just want to go home

you're, you're, you're too young
should've been, you, you're, you're too young
it should've been, you too, you're too, you're too young
it should've been, you, you, you're too young
you should've been... safe here
bribed the judge and then sat down
ooh, you're, you're, you're too young

I am the boy who lived

I don't share your beliefs, but I admire your passion.

I don't really have beliefs. I have facts and a backbone to react to them.

Lately I've been dancing on the streets of Helsinki. Like, literally, dancing. Alone. With my iPod. I can't dance, but I do know how to jump and party. I do this early in the morning when normal people are making their way to work. When the horrifying question of "Oh my fucking god what the hell am I doing?" enters my mind, I... keep dancing. Perhaps it will make the day better for somebody. Perhaps sooner or later they'll stop and remember the little faggot that they saw dancing on the street and realize that they're not the most embarrassing person on the planet, after all.

The coolest thing you can ever do is to stop trying to be cool.

I don't look like this.
I've walked through so much darkness. You should applaud me for still being around. And when I eventually come out of this darkness, you should meet me at the end of the tunnel and give me a hug.

Jesus* I'm horny. My life is like never-ending erection. It's strange. You can't run away from it. You can't masturbate it away. You can try, but 5 minutes later it's back. I'm sorry. You never asked.

* This is Jesus.

Do I annoy you? Don't worry about it. Annoyance is the price we pay for all the truly good things.

I am jealous of nobody. Nobody. Nobody in this world has the things that I want. I'm the only person in the world who's got the potential to get them. As painful and ridiculous it is to be me, I'd hate to be somebody else.

If I one day get a lot of money for the books that I've written, I'll give at least 99 % of it away. I don't want money, and others need it more than I do.

Money makes people self-centered and unhappy. I want to be poor. When you're rich, you forget how to appreciate the small things and how to see the things that matter. When you're rich, nothing feels big.

I want Nothing to feel like Something.

The core of my unhappiness: I'm so much smarter than most people that it makes most people seem like alien morons to me. I hate existing this way. I wish everybody was like me. I've said this before.

Being the sharpest pencil in the box is painful, because it is you getting stung. Maybe some day my brain will sting society, but so far it's me hurting.

I've been thinking about something that I wrote about the meat industry:

60 billion animals every year, tortured heartlessly for nothing. A decade: 600 billion. And this is just the land animals. There are only a few billion of us westerners that these animals are produced for.

What this means is that our societies are producing a lot more suffering than happiness. It is clear that we have failed. It's time to change.