perjantai 30. elokuuta 2013

Walking towards the Future

I've been looking at my life, and I can see that big changes are gonna take place soon. The next chapter is going to be something very different.

Not many people get to live a life like mine. Maybe happiness is just the steps you take.

keskiviikko 28. elokuuta 2013

Hope never dies

Today's outfit

One more thing that always manages to make me feel not only unbearably angry, but also unbearably sad: blogs of "normal" teenage girls. They are always 'lifestyle blogs', filled with absolutely meaningless, supposedly "artistic" pictures of their McDonald's meals, their new clothes, teacups on the table, their cellphones on the table, their new clothes, pictures of candy, pictures of meaningless unintelligent teenage girls staring at themselves in the mirrors of clothing stores, pictures of their new clothes, pictures of their McDonald's meals, pictures of their meaningless unintelligent boyfriends, pictures of their new clothes, pictures of their new clothes, pictures of their new clothes. In between the pictures the girls type monstrously meaningless information of what they've bought and what food they've eaten with their monstrously meaningless friends. All the bloggers have the exactly same personality. If they have a soul, they think that they're supposed to hide it because that's what bloggers do. They never say anything important about life or death or injustice or the universe, apparently quite simply because they never, ever think about these things. They never think about anything important. All that matters are the new clothes that they bought yesterday. WHO CARES? WHY do people care? Why do they have 400 followers?

They've completely embraced the materialistic capitalistic nonsense that they grew up with. And the most terrifying thing: they have no idea. They don't even know what capitalism means. They've never heard the name of their god.

What should we do? We should dismember them. We should rip their arms off. At least one arm of every girl. Because maybe, maybe then they could see the world around them for the first time and all the things in it that matter.

maanantai 26. elokuuta 2013

Trust me, I'm easy, I'm easy as piss

I'm doing my best to make this ugly world a little bit less ugly. I'm doing my best to create some beauty in this fucked up world. Some light. First I'll change the world on paper. Then I'll change the world.

sunnuntai 18. elokuuta 2013


I saw a Facebook page named Bodybuilding Motivation. Apparently this is the motivation:

Why would a person want to look like this? The picture gives me a trypophobic feeling. It looks like bubble wrap that I'd like to start popping.

perjantai 16. elokuuta 2013

You don't have to change everyone to change everything.

Odd Thomas

Odd Thomas is the worst film I have ever seen. Some movies are bad in a funny way, but this one was depressingly, madenningly bad. It makes me angry that someone would want to spend months and months of their life to create something like this. They don't have anything to say, ANYTHING to say, why are they doing something creative? They should be unclogging toilets and kitchen sinks.

The main problem with Odd Thomas is the humour. I don't know if Odd Thomas the novel already had the problem, but Odd Thomas the film is terribly unfunny. I think that a person's sense of humour tells more about them than almost anything else; if you find Odd Thomas amusing, you are not an intelligent person.

I give it * out of five *s.

keskiviikko 14. elokuuta 2013

You have to go somewhere else

I accidentally ended up looking at the Facebook profiles of some of my former 'schoolmates' and once again I realized how much I hate them and the whole school I used to go to. And this time I'm not talking about my years in secondary school, those years were an understandable nightmare --- this time I'm talking about the high school I entered in 2010 and left after less than a year. What I hate about that school specifically is that I EXPECTED MORE from it. It was supposed to be something more. The whole point of that place was to be something new and interesting. They actually promised me that it would be something good. A new start. It was supposed to be the school where I could finally find interesting people, intelligent people, different people. It was supposed to be SOMETHING BETTER.

It wasn't. The whole school was full of vile idiots and pretty phonies. I hated it. I absolutely hated it. At the end of my time there I didn't want to have anything to do with it anymore. It's been a lot more than 2 years since I walked out, but I still hate seeing those people on the streets or sometimes on TV. I quite often find myself daydreaming about entering the school building on the first day of a new school year and leaving little notes and warnings here and there --- something like this: You've been told that this school will be the right place for you. You're expecting it to be something interesting. You've been told that you will find kindred spirits. These are all lies. If you're someone like me, to get a new start you have to go somewhere else. You have to go somewhere else. I'm sorry, I'm so goddamn sorry, but you have to leave this place behind and run before the disappointment destroys you.

sunnuntai 11. elokuuta 2013

Lookin' pretty pretty

I had a crappy little camera with me but I quite like the pictures we took together. The camera and I.

My dad asked me why I'd taken 4000 pictures and then he told me that I couldn't put photos in a novel. And I asked: why not?

Flowers of Tampere, Finland. You can pick them up and discuss Aokigahara Suicide Forest with the most beautiful girl that has ever talked to you. And then she kisses you.

Train toilet. Here you can masturbate after seeing Marilyn Monroe's breasts and realize that something wants to kill you.

Railroads. You can look at these and drink beer with James Dean.

Sodankylä cemetery. Somewhere there is an open grave where you can discuss sex with the most beautiful girl alive or maybe dead.

Backseat, bus. Time: night, place: somewhere. Here you can meet Jesus Christ for the first time.

The Barents Sea at midnight. Here you can meet your dead Grandfather and choose between Life and Death.

torstai 8. elokuuta 2013

Cute faces

Why do absolutely boring and uninteresting people get so much love and attention and 250 000 followers?

There are so many people that are loved by so many people just because they have cute faces. But their minds are nothing but cute feces.

I'm gonna turn things around. For as many people as possible.

I'm gonna show you. All of you. Just wait.

tiistai 6. elokuuta 2013

REBEKKA, REBEKKA, rebekka, rebekka, REBEKKA, Rebekka, RebekkaRebekka, rebekkarebekkarebekka, REBEKKAREBEKKA, rebekka rebekka rebekka

I have to join the Church

I love her so much it hurts, I love them all, my heart gets so full that there's no room for blood or air

I'm not hopeless

I'm not hopeless


Forgive me. Don't give up on me.

I'll forgive you. I won't give up on you.

Forgive me. Don't give up on me.

Forgive me. Don't give up on me.

Forgive me. Don't give up on me.

One day, sooner or later,
I'll step out of this door, my head high, my face clean, the best book in the world in my backpocket
and you'll find me where you always wanted to find me.

perjantai 2. elokuuta 2013

Heading home

In the description of my fake Facebook account it says: Just trying to be a good man. That's what I'm doing. Sometimes failing, but always trying. I want to be someone you can trust. No matter what. I want to be someone who'll do anything to help the ones that are in trouble, not because there's something in it for me, but just because I can.

I'd like people to be like that when I'm in trouble. I woudn't want them to betray me or look away. Therefore I'm trying to follow that sense of morality myself. I want to be someone you can go to when all hope is lost and all other backs are turned.

I want to be a good man, but what about being a man? Well, I don't take it too seriously. I do want to be masculine, but just for the lulz. Just because I feel that that's the most natural way for me to be. Gender is biology, but at the same time biology is kind of stupid and funny. I think that the whole masculinity/femininity thing is too obscure to be taken completely seriously. People really should relax when it comes to genders. You may be masculine, but when it's stopping you from being more important things, like brave, honest, happy or compassionate, you should do the right thing and giggle at the whole masculinity dealio.

Today, I returned back from the small Norwegian coastal town I spent a couple days in. (I actually made it. I didn't give up. Fuck yeah.) At the moment I'm wasting time in Rovaniemi, waiting for my train. Last night I spent hours taking endless pictures of the Barents Sea; I hope at least some of them will be good enough to be included in the Ghost book. Why don't people put pictures in their novels? It's weird. Pictures are nice.

I haven't been as happy for a long long time as I was running under the Northern night sky, alone, making lines in the Northern heather, taking pictures with a self-timer, slipping and sliding on the dark wet rocks, knowing exactly want I wanted from life.

I look like a 13-year-old pre-puberty James Dean if James Dean's father had been a dirty goblin. My face is a mess and my hair looks like a disaster and I've worn these same jeans every day all summer. Every time there hasn't been a napkin around, I've just used my jeans. I know that I look and smell unpleasant. So it's weird that dogs and kids like me. Or maybe it's understandable that they like me, but it's weird that their parents and owners do.

I'm gonna miss Norway. At least that little town. In that town all the dawgs loved me. Every time I passed by a dog, they stopped and looked very excited to see me. Even a very shy young dog licked my fingers. Children liked me too. I'd been watching this little Indian-looking woman (Native American kind of Indian) walking by the shoreline with her little Indian-looking son. Then an hour or two later I stepped out of the hostel and the boy, maybe 2 or 3 years old, walked to me in the parking lot and gave me his little hand: "Hej hej. Hej hej hej." I smiled, shook his hand and said hej.

A night earlier I'd seen a black cat walk by my hotel room's window. I remember talking to my Mom on the phone and telling her that I was looking at a very sexy young cat. (I usually call cute animals 'sexy' or 'hot' and say that they 'turn me on' and that they have 'great asses'. It's some sort of joke, I guess. My sister does it too.) And then yesterday I saw these sad posters everywhere saying that a young black cat had run away and disappeared. I realized that I probably had to call the owner and tell them what I'd seen. That's what I'd like others to do if my cat was missing. If I had a cat. So I called the number, and the owner sounded grateful. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," he said. That felt good. I really hope he found his sexy little cat.

Last night, I spent 9 hours on a bus, and when I finally got here I realized that I didn't have my fucking phone. I didn't panic, but it was tiring and disastrous, but luckily this office guy in the railway station saved me. It feels good to be good, and it feels good when people are good to you. 

Suddenly, it's so easy to communicate.

When you just do it enough many times, you'll start to notice that actually people are pretty alright. That there's no reason to be afraid; that what you see on the Internet isn't how people work in the real world.


My first instinct when I see an animal is to say hello My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away

but now everything's just so easy, and you find yourself speaking charming Morrissey English to strange Norwegian girls.

With love and exhaustion,