torstai 31. heinäkuuta 2014

Easy to Get

I have this horrible feeling that my life as Olli Brander and my life as Olli can never happen simultaneously. That the other one is eating the other one, inevitably, forever until only one lives. And my role is to choose.

I don't know. Sleep now. You're driving everybody insane. Especially yourself. Who am I talking to? Myself? Okay. Just proves my point.

This is incredible.

Hey, you should just walk away now.

lauantai 26. heinäkuuta 2014

My everything is far too much to risk

I've come to find that I hate myself for loving you is a very good sentence. Not because I hate the people I end up loving, but because I know that for them, me loving them means trouble and inconvenience.

I have no idea why the parents of my book's protagonist are so horrible. They are the complete opposite of my parents. In most other aspects my book's protagonist is me. We've got a psychological mystery here.

Josiah Leming is the greatest songwriter I know. I'm not talking about him as a human being (I don't know much about him as a human being), I'm talking about songwriting. He's almost supernaturally good at that. Every one of his songs could be the Greatest Song of some old music legend. It's obvious that he's a genius. I have no idea why he isn't the greatest star in the music world. Maybe that will happen. I don't know how he'd handle massive fame, though.

torstai 24. heinäkuuta 2014

I was happy once, and it was very painful

Gotta write everything down.

My head is full of floating stupidity.

Suddenly all these people in my life, and I feel severely lost. The past 3 days are just a weird series of static images of really strange things happening. Existential crisis is my reaction to everything.

I don't sleep. My parents don't want me here anymore. It's fair. They've been excellent, intelligent, loving parents. If they want me to go, I will go. I need to find a place where I can spend days sleeping and nights writing.

I googled 'my reaction to everything' and found this:

I have no idea who that is, but I can feel it too.

sunnuntai 20. heinäkuuta 2014

So anyway

“One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” ― John Green

Good one, Johnny boy. I've noticed that this is what happens to most people. Most people around me and most people everywhere. But it will never happen to me.

lauantai 19. heinäkuuta 2014



My sister is one of the funniest people I know. Possibly the funniest.

Also, the younger Morrissey and the older Morrissey can't be the same person. The voices and the faces are too different. The whole presence. Back when we didn't have photographs and video cameras, we didn't have to deal with the simultaneous existence of the same person at 25 and 55.

tiistai 1. heinäkuuta 2014

There is a truth and it's on our side.

I nearly always destroy everything by forgetting to be a gentleman. It's such an easy thing to forget, especially on the Internet, especially when you're constantly surrounded by genuinely stupid people. It's so easy to think, why bother, these humans can't even read and comprehend the sentences that I write, I could just as well be an asshole. But that's not how you educate anyone about anything. That's not the person I want to be. Only lately I've realized how important it is to be a gentleman, as weird and old-fashioned as this sounds, even in the most absurd of situations.

By the way: you are somebody's grandparent.

"So. I'll go away. I'll really go away. If I come up with something oh-so-funny that I would like to say on this blog, I won't. Instead, I'll scream into my pillow and move on. I'll come back when I have an amazing manuscript in my hands." Right. Well, I've been writing my book for real, for real(!), so maybe this is nearly okay.