keskiviikko 31. joulukuuta 2014

I'm not very good at this free falling business.

Feeling weird today. There is no joy in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in control of most things, then I realize that I'm not.

My jokes are getting worse and worse. Worse and worse and worse.

Allow yourself to care, and you start caring immediately. It just takes a hell of a lot of courage; taking somebody else's pain and making it yours.

tiistai 30. joulukuuta 2014

Daniel Johnston.

Today I watched The Snowman, and my father told me how he found his father after his father had killed himself. There is sorrow in endings.

I had a dream where I was supposed to spend one night in a little house surrounded by darkness. I don't know exactly what the house was, or where it was, but it was somewhere in the countryside. I was almost too terrified to look out the window, but when I did, I saw two people approaching the house in the darkness. For some inexplicable reason, I opened the front door and watched as they came nearer. Soon they were standing in front of me and wanted to come in. I knew that horrible things would happen if I let them in, so I told them no. The more aggressive man started fighting his way in, so I had to push him back. He ended up falling, somehow breaking the back of his head. Later it turns out that the aggressive man was Daniel Johnston, and after the incident he'd actually drawn a picture where a hugely muscular person (me, apparently) was ruthlessly beating him up. He was going to show the picture to the police as a piece of evidence.
Charlie Chaplin's life was quite depressing, and here I am in 2014, once again discussing micropenises.

tiistai 23. joulukuuta 2014

lauantai 20. joulukuuta 2014


This is so very fucked up.
Wherever. So many doors are closed, but I want to go wherever. And this is my personal goal in life: to go wherever, not even closing my eyes. No lies, just wherever, not being in such terrible pain that I can't look around and see the world around me.

If the door is closed, and it often is, I'll climb in through the topmost window.

Until I find the way to do that, I am outside and you are in, and I'm writing stories that only I could tell.

tiistai 2. joulukuuta 2014

Goodbye "The Nordic Justin Bieber. I'm a joke, but take me seriously. I'm 20, criminal and ridiculously ambitious. And always in love, and bored. A lost cause really. I'll probably be famous."