Neal Cassady

It's 5.30 in the morning. Five hours ago I visited the spot where my book's protagonist wakes up after committing suicide. It was dark and the city was bright and there was another bright city on the surface of the sea. It's impossible to feel really happy without feeling slightly sad at the same time, and it's impossible to be sad without a grain of hope.

He's not Sherlock Holmes. I am. I know so much about everybody, and they know nothing about me.

I know that the fact that I love you causes you unbearable pain, and I'm very sorry, but I'll never be able to stop.

My sense of humour is too nonsensical to be properly British.

I left the shore and kept on walking, like I always do, and it was so fucking beautiful, everything was so incredibly beautiful, and I ended up on a highway. That's how I roll nowadays. I'm constantly finding myself on highways and in forests and everywhere I shouldn't be. I kept walking, hopped over a couple fences, and ended up in this very dark place.

There was solid rock under my feet, and above me was a lightless universe. And then, beside me under the universe, there was this huge fucking mushroom. Now, I don't know much about these things, but I'd say it was some sort of antenna. It was bigger than buildings.

So, turns out it was the water tower of Lauttasaari. Silly me. In the dark it looks like something that has to do with aliens. Actually, in the daylight it looks that way too.

This is how the Lauttasaari water tower looks from the inside. Hallelujah. I'm mildly sorry for stealing other people's photo art.

Anyway, it was dark and unreal and beautiful. If I personally knew one of the girls that I love, I would take her there in the nighttime. We could drink tea. It would be wonderful. Darkness is good. Darkness allows you to adjust your genitals.

I listened to Hideous Towns and wow, it's a beautiful thing.

I got out of the darkness and found myself in a neighbourhood where a lot of people probably live. Now, they were asleep. I was awake. I kept walking, arms behind my back like I was a Japanese grandpa. I stared into a nightly health center. I really need a friend who knows how to steal cars.