I am sorry for being such an idiot.

Please keep believing in me. I'm young and I'm lost, but slowly and steadily I'm learning.

Alcohol.

Last night I wrote sentences that were so deeply stupid that the only thing I can do is make noises like 'hahaha! hahaha!'

I wrote "I'm not as masculine as Morrissey but I'm more masculine than Johnny Marr". WHAT? What does that even mean? The last thing I remember doing is googling for information on Lisa Simpson's potential Asperger's Syndrome. Wow!

 

I need some Jesus in my life.

On the subject of intercourse

At the end of the day, I am slightly homo.

I fall in love with everybody.

Really: if you are a fascinating soul, you'll turn me on. It's this simple.

I'd love to have sex. Unfortunately that's not going to happen, as I don't know any people.

The idea of intercourse baffles me. As a cat I know nothing about human men and women, but I've understood that many women really struggle to get an orgasm, ever, and for men, it's usually a lot easier. Especially if you've never had sex before: what if the mere fucking idea of soon seeing somebody interesting naked makes you come? Does that happen to humans? Is it awkward?

The whole intercourse thing. Penis goes in, penis comes out. What if the vagina is dry and it's all very difficult and the organs just rub against each other in oh such a painful way and everybody's screaming?

I'm sorry. But these are important questions.

And how do people even end up having sex? Do they just say: "Let's have sex now"? How does that work?

Most of us are enslaved by sexuality.

In the end it's really stupid. You just have this urgent feeling between your legs and it drives you into ridiculous things. I like it.

3 years, 5 days

It's been 3 years and 5 days since I started to write Flesh. I wrote the best book that I'll ever write at the age of 16. I haven't been writing it for a while now, I haven't even looked at it for months, but now I opened the file again for the first time in forever, and man it's brilliant. Reading it sort of hurts, it hurts so much that I can't stop making weird noises like 'hahaha! hahaha!' when I browse through it.

The last pages are still waiting to be written. One day, sooner or later I'll do that.

At the end of everything, you can trust me

I am dyslexic in English. I just don't spot the typos the way I should. It's interesting. I don't think I have this in Finnish. Or do I? I wouldn't know.

I went and saw The Hunger Games - Catching Fire spontaneously in the middle of yesterday. I feel that it's my job to get to know the stories and characters that people like. So I sat there in the huge half-empty theatre and fell in love: Katniss Everdeen is the way girls should be. The way people should be. A hero. Thoroughly human, but ultimately strong and brave and trying to do the right thing. (Also, I like her voice a lot. It's very attractive. I like voices.)

Yo.

After the movie, I wandered the dark wet streets (like I always do) and felt tired and hopeless (like I always do) because real people are not like Katniss. I must be one of the only existing non-fictional people around who actually try to function like Katniss Everdeen or Harry Potter in real life.

Real people in the real world are such boring pieces of cardboard. When they should do the right thing, they come up with a comfortable lie and walk away. They give money to things like the meat industry and spit on people who don't. They buy shiny things, take pictures of them, and then put the pictures on Facebook to gain social status. They flush living fish down the toilet. They kick crazy people who dance on the streets, and they laugh at revolutions.

I don't want to walk away. I am the hand that flushes you down the toilet if you flush sentient animals down the toilet. I am the dancer. I am the revolution.

And yes, this is a ridiculous Messiah complex. I think that a world so full of cool indifference needs a certain number of embarrassingly passionate people like me who actually want to play the hero.

We all live in a murderous world

Morrissey was supposed to play 3 songs at the Nobel Peace Prize event in Oslo. Now a lot of people are 'frowning on' his potential performance. The reason for the 'outrage' are these words:

Despite the love, we do live on a murderous planet, as you will have seen in the last few days in Norway. Murder, murder, murder. Really, every single day worse things happen in Kentucky Fried Shit and McDonald's. Murder, murder, murder, murder, murder.

Morrissey said these words in 2011 right after local psychopath Anders Behring Breivik had killed 70+ teenagers in Norway for his obscure racist reasons. Ever since Morrissey gave this statement, every once in a while people have expressed how hurt and outraged they are by his comments.

I understand if you find Morrissey's comments inconsiderate, because they were, but nobody can rationally claim that he was factually wrong. The Norwegian killings weren't nothing, in fact, they were cruel, disgusting and mind-bogglingly violent. But even so, this is basic mathematics in a world where suffering exists:

Killing 77 sentient individuals is evil, but torturing hundreds of billions of sentient individuals on factory farms is worse. (Comparing suffering like this is pretty stupid in the first place, as all suffering matters, but, well, here we are, being stupid.)

After all, the reason why people are pretending to be so hurt and outraged by Morrissey's words is quite simple. To admit that what he said was factually correct would be to admit that we, the Good People, are taking part in something twisted and cruel; something so twisted and cruel that the world has never seen anything like it before.

And we don't want to do that. We don't want to change. We don't want to look at the atrocities we're funding every day. We want to hold on to our burgers and keep pretending that evil is something that only isolated psychopaths are capable of.

And this is what keeps all evil alive.

Argh. When will we learn?